"Fixer Upper"

Working on my review of "Frozen" and talking about how it was so nice to teach children discretion in relationships, I started wondering about one of the scenes—specifically, when Kristoff takes Anna to see the trolls, who bombard them with friendly well-wishes for matrimony in the song "Fixer Upper".  It occurs to me that there is a good message in the spirit of this song, but it's hidden behind what could potentially be misleading lyrics.

The trolls ask why Anna is "holding back on such a man" and then proceed to list off potential deal breakers:  "Is it the clumpy way he walks?/Or the grumpy way he talks" and so on, etc.  They then dismiss all this:  "So he's a bit of a fixer upper, but this we're certain of / You can fix this fixer upper with a little bit of love."

 But what is that supposed to mean?  He's a "fixer upper", meaning you'll be able to "fix" him, right?  Isn't that what you're NOT supposed to do?  I mean, marrying someone with intent to fix the things about them that bug you has always been a recipe for disaster.  Essentially you're taking advantage of an incredibly privileged amount of intimacy and then saying you don't totally accept them for who they are by asking them to do the impossible for you, when heaven knows you have your own problems.

Except I don't think that's really what the writers were going for when they created this song.  They try to avoid that impression when the troll played by Maia Wilson says, "We're not saying you can change him / 'Cause people don't really change—

—Which is good, but then she goes on:  "We're just saying that love's a force that's powerful and strange / People make bad choices if they're mad or scared or stressed / But throw a little love their way, and you'll bring out their best".  "Love's a force that's powerful and strange"—What does that teach children?  To trust that being nice to someone will, against all odds, make them a good person no matter what?

I don't think the song was meant to teach kids to settle for someone less than their "soul mate" or to expect that person to change for them.  But I do think it could be easily mistaken as such.

I think in reality the song is about accepting the flaws in the person you love.  We're all human and we've all got issues.  Some people have quirks that will drive you nuts, some people don't—but you don't marry the person you can live with, just the one you can't live without.  Even so, though, you will rub each other the wrong way at some point.  It's inevitable.  The point is to keep loving them regardless, to understand that they need you as much as you need them and not put all your needs and desires on their shoulders.  I'd go as far as say "Be a servant and make Jesus the most important relationship in your life so He can use you to love on your spouse!" but I think that's sort of going beyond what Disney was getting at.